How to talk to your parents about Wills and Lasting Powers of Attorney without sounding greedy
Let’s not sugarcoat it: talking to your parents about their Will is, frankly, one of the most uncomfortable conversations you’ll ever have. Right up there with explaining Tinder to your gran or asking your dad to please stop forwarding conspiracy videos on WhatsApp.
Because no matter how well-meaning you are, as soon as you utter the words “Have you thought about putting something in writing?”, you might as well have said, “So, when exactly are you planning to croak, and can I have the house?”
But here’s the thing. If you don’t have that conversation, someone will pay the price later. Probably you. Or your siblings. Or all of you in a Solicitor’s office arguing over who gets mum’s jewellery and who gets lumbered with the cat.
So, here’s how to navigate this minefield.
Don’t make it about money
This is rule number one. Possibly also rule number two and three. If, in your opening line, you sound like a Dickensian villain—“And what of the family silver, Father?”—you’re doing it wrong. Frame it around them, not you. Try: “I just want to make sure everything’s how you’d want it to be.” It’s about their control, their wishes, and their peace of mind. Not your fantasy of turning the family home into an Airbnb in Devon.
Normalise the conversation
The British, by and large, would rather talk about anything else—war, dental surgery, even Love Island—than discuss what happens when we die. So treat it like any other practical matter. Just as you’d talk about renewing a passport or fixing the boiler, talk about Wills and Lasting Powers of Attorney.
A good time to bring it up? When some celebrity dies without a will (they always do). “Did you see that Prince/Liam Payne died intestate? His estate’s still in court. Absolute nightmare. Have you sorted yours?”
Understand what a Lasting Power of Attorney actually is (and explain it properly)
A Lasting Power of Attorney isn’t just for “when we’re 97 and babbling into the curtains.” It’s a legal safety net before you lose capacity—think stroke, dementia, or a nasty fall followed by hospital food and confusion.
There are two types: Property and Financial Affairs used for managing money, bills and property and Health and Welfare used for decisions about care, treatment, and even whether they live at home or in a care facility.
Without one, if your parent becomes incapacitated, you can’t just “step in” and sort things out. You’ll be dealing with the Court of Protection tied up in a process so slow and convoluted it makes filling out a tax return feel like a walk in the park.
Play the “I’m doing it too” card
One of the best tactics? Lead by example. Tell them you’re making a Will and sorting out your own Lasting Powers of Attorney. It shifts the tone from “You’re old and you might die” to “This is just sensible adulting.” You become the responsible one, not the vulture circling the bungalow.
Beware the sibling timebomb
If you’ve got brothers or sisters, this gets… complicated. You might all have different relationships with your parents, and very different ideas of what’s “fair.” And even if you’re all smiles at Christmas, the moment there’s money on the table, childhood rivalries reawaken like a horror sequel no one asked for.
Encourage your parents to be clear and transparent in their Wills. If they’re giving one of you more (say, because you’ve been the main carer), let them write a Letter of Wishes explaining it. It may not stop tears, but it might stop unnecessary legal fees.
Don’t leave it too late
People wait until there’s a diagnosis, or a scare, or something dramatic. But by the time you’re dealing with actual incapacity, it’s often too late. A person must understand what they’re signing. No mental capacity? No Lasting Power of Attorney or a Will. So have the conversation when everyone is still in control. Ideally while your mum’s still beating you at Wordle.
In summary, keep the focus on them, not you—treat Wills and Lasting Powers of Attorney like smoke alarms: essential, even if a bit dull. Lead by example with your own planning, and make sure they understand that this is about protecting their wishes, not relinquishing control. In the end, nothing shows you care more than making sure your parents’ wishes are clear—and preventing the kind of chaos that could leave you fighting over the family silver in court.
18 July 2025
Should you wish to discuss any of the issues mentioned in this article, please contact me at anna.boucher@theburnsidepartnership.com or on 01865 087781. You can find more about my background and experience here.